


take it in your heart now (love him)

by soapyconnor



Category: Kingsman (Movies)
Genre: Harry's kind of a dick?, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Pining, idk what else to taggggg
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-25
Updated: 2017-10-25
Packaged: 2019-01-23 04:29:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,409
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12498776
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soapyconnor/pseuds/soapyconnor
Summary: jack and eggsy get engaged. harry regrets . . . a lot.





	take it in your heart now (love him)

**Author's Note:**

> hi!!!!!! so this is kind of shitty i admit kjdhgjkfh but i wanted to write some jack/eggsy bc i love them........... anyways this wasn't beta'd
> 
> follow me on tumblr if u want i'm @heggsys

            Harry ignored the sharp feeling of disgust in his stomach every time he looked at Jack. The previously mentioned American was currently grinning like an idiot at Eggsy, which just made Harry want to punch him more. He looked to Eggsy, and deflated. He had that same look on his face as he stared back at Jack, so Harry knew if he did anything he’d look like a jackass.

            He stared at Eggsy’s and Jack’s intertwined hands as he walked next to Merlin and Ginger. He ignored the tour director’s speech as they walked through the damp cellar, and instead wondered why the hell they were here, when it seemed that Jack had mainly arranged this for Eggsy.

            Harry glanced at Merlin and Ginger. He felt disgust at the knowing looks on their faces, and he then looked to Tequila and Champ. They seemed to all know why they were here, except for himself and Eggsy.

            He felt relief as he saw the exit. The doors were wide open, and the fading sunlight was streaming in through the doorway. The tour guide walked out, and Eggsy went to follow him, when Jack softly grabbed his hand, stopping him on the steps.

            Harry’s breath caught in his throat as the sunlight caught Eggsy’s hair, setting it on fire. The light illuminated Eggsy’s outline, and Harry couldn’t help but compare him to an angel. He was so transfixed by his appearance that he barely noticed Jack going down onto one knee until he heard Eggsy say with a gasp, “ _Bruv._ ”

            Harry’s hands clenched tightly as he watched them smile at each other. The others were ignoring him, and were instead smiling brightly as Eggsy began to cry softly. “Oh, fucking hell Jack, is this what all this is about?”

            Jack was saying something that Harry couldn’t hear, and Champ was taking pictures. Merlin brushed up against him momentarily, breaking him out of his thoughts. He heard Jack chuckle to something else Eggsy said, before he murmured, “You know I’ve wanted to do this for a while, but it took forever to find a day everyone could be off. I’m sorry Roxy’s not here. I just couldn’t wait any longer. I love you so much, Eggsy. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, you know? Every time you have to go off to England to work it feels like an eternity. Champ had to take away my passport so I can’t follow you. God, I love you so much. I . . . I never thought I would love someone so much again. I never did. But, fuck, I found _you_ , and you’re the best thing that ever happened to me. I just . . . Fuck it. Gary Unwin, will you marry me?”

            Harry felt his heart implode when Eggsy said yes.

 

 

            He supposed he had no one to blame but himself.

            It was a thought that struck him as he sat at the dinner table, and watched Eggsy and Jack make heart eyes at each other, their hands intertwined. Jack was wearing that infuriating cowboy hat, and Harry wanted to reach over and smack it off. But, he was across the table from them, so it wouldn’t even be possible.

            Harry glanced at Merlin and then at Tequila. He knew that they probably put this much space between them on purpose. He didn’t blame them. They were probably surprised that he hadn’t left yet.

Forcing himself to look away from them, he looked down at his food and shoveled a mouthful in. He focused on the food in front of him instead of the man he let get away. He didn’t notice that Eggsy was talking to him until Merlin nudged him. He looked up, and towards Eggsy. He relaxed when he saw that soft smile.

“Harry, you haven’t spoken all night. Are you okay?”

“Perfectly fine, Eggsy. Thank you. You really shouldn’t be focusing on me, though. This is your night.”

Eggsy laughed. “It’s not my night yet! We just got engaged.”

            Harry just smiled softly at him. Eggsy began to ramble, talking animatedly with his hands. Harry didn’t no what he was saying, and frankly he didn’t care. He just enjoyed hearing him talk, and look so happy.

            He felt his insides shrivel up though, when Eggsy turned his gaze towards Jack, and he looked even happier, if that was even possible.

            Harry picked his napkin up off his lap, and placed it on the table, standing up. Everyone’s gaze fell on him. Trying not to make a scene, he said, “Excuse me. I need some air.” He readjusted his coat, and headed out of the restaurant. He could feel the others eyes on him, but he didn’t bother looking back.

            He sighed softly as the cold air washed over him, and he sat on the curb. Jack had decided to take them all to some shitty chain restaurant, and Harry couldn’t have helped but thought about where _he_ would have taken Eggsy after they proposed . . .

            He had no idea how long he sat out on the curb, staring off into space before he felt someone’s shadow wash over him. He looked up, and saw Eggsy standing above him. “Eggsy? What are you doing out here?” he asked as Eggsy sat down next to him.

            “You’ve been gone half an hour and your foods cold. I wanted to see what was wrong. I . . . I didn’t think I did anything to upset you, did I?” Eggsy asked, picking at the skin around his nails.

            Startled, Harry said, “What? No, Eggsy, I’m fine. I just . . . was enjoying the view.”

            Eggsy snorted. “Don’t lie to me. You haven’t been okay since we took down The Golden Circle, and discovered that Jack hadn’t been working with them. You’ve treated me differently. What’s wrong?” Harry didn’t say anything, and was going to ignore him, until he heard Eggsy say, “Harry, _look at me_.”

            He looked up, and their eyes met. His resolve died instantly, and he found himself saying, “I . . . I’m so sorry Eggsy. I . . . I made a mistake, and that mistake is going to follow me the rest of my life.”

            Eggsy’s eyebrows furrowed together. “What are you talking about, bruv?”

            “I . . .” Harry shook his head. He wouldn’t be able to lie to Eggsy. He didn’t want to make the situation worse. “When I shot Jack, I had assumed that he was betraying us. I realized later that while I partly felt that way, I . . . I had realized how close the two of you had gotten. I . . .” He clenched his fist, and turned his gaze away. “I was jealous of the two of you. I realized how fond you were of him, and I could tell you two felt attraction to each other. I was jealous. I loved you, and I still do, but because of my foolish moves, I ruined any chance we had together.”

            Silence.

“Are you kidding me, mate?” Eggsy asked, staring at him incredulously. “ _You_ were in love with _me?_ I . . . I had no idea.” He paused, and Harry watched him tug at his hoodie strings nervously. “I can’t believe you shot Jack over that. That’s so . . . not you. Maybe Jack’s right, and Ginger didn’t fix you right.”

“Ginger fixed me right enough, thank you,” Harry said coldly.

Eggsy swallowed hard, and pulled hard on his hoodie strings. “Sorry . . . I didn’t to make it sound like that. Is that why you don’t like Jack? And try your damnedest to stay away from us? All because of _that_?”

“Yes.” It was blunt. “I am sorry. This was my own fault. But I can’t help but feel that things would have gone differently if I hadn’t have done that.”

Eggsy frowned. “What do you mean? That . . . that _we_ could have been together?” he asked, and when he saw Harry slowly nod, he deflated. “Harry . . . I . . .” he shook his head. “I love you like a friend. I do. I would never have . . . Yes, I did have a crush on you at one point, but that was long ago. Besides, I don’t think it would have worked out, with you being the new Arthur, and the fact we would _work_ together . . . I . . . I’m sorry if I led you on.”

Harry shook his head.

“Harry. Please understand that I didn’t mean to make you think that we . . . that we had a chance of being together. Please.”

Harry was quiet for a long moment. Then he said, harshly, “Why don’t you become a Statesman?”

Eggsy gaped at him. “ _What?_ ”

“It’s obvious it’s what you want, and you’ll get to be closer to Jack.”

“No!” Eggsy exclaimed. “My place is with you and with the Kingsman. It’s not with the Statesman. I love Jack, but I can’t . . . I’m not going to leave Kingsman. Not when we have so many young agents.”

“Roxy, Merlin, and I can handle it,” Harry said, his voice cold and uncaring. “By you saying that, it makes it obvious you want to leave anyways. If we didn’t have so many young agents, would you leave?”

Eggsy was silent, and he opened his mouth to say something, but closed it. All he ended up saying was, “I’m sorry.”

“If you want to leave and come to Statesman, then just do it. I don’t want you there if it makes you unhappy.”

“Do you want me gone because I’m unhappy, or because fuckin’ looking at me and remembering that I’m with Jack will make you unhappy?” Eggsy shot back, finally let some anger seep through. “Harry. I’m sorry. I really am. But Jack makes me happy. And if you can’t handle that, then . . . don’t come around.” Angrily, Eggsy stood up and wiped his trousers off, before he went back inside the restaurant.

Feeling thoroughly reamed, Harry sat on the curb, and watched the cars pass. He hated himself for saying what he did to Eggsy, but he wasn’t going to hide it, and he wasn’t going to have Eggsy stay at Kingsman when he clearly wanted to be closer to Jack.

He knew he should leave. He knew he should go back to his hotel room and leave them be, but he found himself remaining on the curb.

He glanced behind him as he heard the door open. He hoped it was just other customers leaving, but of course he wouldn’t be so lucky. Merlin walked out, and to him, sitting down on the curb.

“You’re a jackass,” Merlin said, shaking his head.

“He told you?”

“He didn’t. But I know him and you well enough to know what happened. You can’t think of anyone but yourself for one second, can’t you?”

Harry tensed. “I think of other people all the time,” he said, “I do think of others.”

“Not right now you aren’t. You’re just thinking of yourself. I get it. You love him. But he’s with Jack. He’s been with Jack for _two God damn years_. You need to come to terms with this.”

“I know. Do you think I don’t?”

“I do. Do you not realize what you’ve done? You are one of the people he trusts the most besides Roxy, Jack, and I. He comes to you with stuff that we don’t even know about. He trusts you so damn much, and then you go and treat him like shit because he doesn’t love you. Because he’s marrying someone else. He’s never had the most stable of relationships, and now he’s finally got it, and you took a giant shit all over it.”

“I’m _sorry._ ”

“Don’t tell me that. Say that to Eggsy.”

“He told me not to come around.”

“This is Eggsy we’re talking about, Harry. He didn’t actually mean it. He means once you stop being a jackass come around and apologize.” Merlin said, and then he sighed heavily. “I think it’d be best for you if you went back to the hotel room. Jack already wants to beat the shit out of you, I don’t think he’d appreciate it if you came back in.”

With a heavy heart, Harry reluctantly agreed.

 

 

            He looked up at the sound of a knock on the door. It had been hours since he had left for the restaurant, and about the only thing he’s done is take a shower. He had barely even recognized the passage of time.

            With a heavy sigh, he got up and walked to the door. He wasn’t sure who it was going to be. Was it Eggsy? Was it Merlin? Was it _both_ of them? He had no idea.

            He didn’t bother looking through the peephole. Instead, he pulled the door wide open.

            “Hiya,” Jack said with a grin.

            Harry slammed the door shut.

            He cursed as Jack’s foot shot out in between the door and the door jam, preventing him from shutting it. Harry grunt, and stumbled a bit in surprise as Jack shoved his shoulder against the door, knocking him backwards. Jack walked in, and shut the door.

            “All right Harry, we need to fuckin’ talk and get some shit straightened out. ‘Cause I’m not going to let you continue to make Eggsy feel like shit, you hear me?” Jack said, and he had a grin on his face that would have made Harry shiver if he was a lesser man.

            “I don’t know what you mean.”

            “Bullshit. I know what you said to Eggsy. He told me as soon as we got into the car.” Jack shook his head, and clenched his fists. “Look. We both love him. I know that you love him as much as I do, especially after what he told me you said.”

            “So, what? Are you going to fight me?”

            Jack just stared at him, then shook his head. “No. I’m not. Eggsy loves you more than anything. I don’t want you and I to hate each other, because this will just make it stressful for Eggsy. No, I want to make things right with each other. I don’t understand why you hate me, except for the obvious one, but I would like to fix it.”

            “I really don’t think there’s anything to fix.”

            “Harry,” Jack said, exasperatedly, “There’s a lot to fix. I dislike you because you shot me in the fuckin’ head, and you distrust me, for many reasons, apparently.” Harry remained quiet. Jack then said, “Fine. Pretend that there’s nothing to fix and lose Eggsy completely. I really don’t fuckin’ care what you do. I just want my husband to be happy and he’ll be happy if we can get along. But I’m not going to waste my breathe if you can’t fucking bring yourself out of your own sorrow long enough to think of anyone but yourself. I’m not going to waste my time. I tried to do right by you, I invited you along when I could have easily ignored you. I tried to be nice to you for Eggsy’s sake. But you just continue to act like a giant dick hole. If you can’t fix your fuckin’ attitude, don’t show up to the wedding.”

            Harry listened. He heard Jack rise to his feet, and begin to make his way over to the door. He bit his tongue, not wanting to say anything, not wanting to spill his guts to him of all people, but it slipped anyways. “You don’t really understand, do you?”

            He froze, and so did Jack. Neither really knew what to say. Jack looked to Harry. “What don’t I understand?”

            “For over a year, I had amnesia. I had no idea who I was. I had no idea what was going on. I didn’t know about Eggsy. When I came back, the last things I remembered were spending the twenty-four-hour time period mentors are allowed to have with their apprentices with Eggsy, I remembered sleeping with him before I had to go to that damn church, and then I remembered getting shot. When I finally came back, I thought it would be the same. I thought it was going to be the same. It wasn’t. By the time I had come back, he . . . he had already fallen for you. Then, stupid as I was, I became jealous, and shot you. I tried to tell myself that it was only because I knew you were working against us, but I was wrong. I had lost Eggsy, and in a moment of desperation I had tried to get him back. It’s stupid, I know, but I knew that with the alpha gel, you would survive. I knew that if you did survive and you were working against us, it wouldn’t matter. But . . . you survived. And you’re not apart of The Golden Circle.” Harry finished, and he sat there. He didn’t dare look at Jack, because he had no idea if he could face the look on his face. “I’m sorry. It’s dumb. But I had lost a year of my life. I . . . I guess I never quite mentally caught up with all the developments that had happened.”

            Jack stared at him, then sighed heavily. “Give me a moment. I’ll be back.” He then left before Harry could protest.

            Slightly frustrated, Harry remained on the bed and left the door open. He watched the clock. Five minutes passed when he finally glanced at the door and Jack returned. In his hands he was holding a book wrapped in brown paper. “What?” Harry asked, staring at Jack.

            Jack tossed the book on the bed next to him. “Open it.”

            Harry picked it up. It was heavy in his hands, and he slowly ripped off the paper. _The Moths and Butterflies of Great Britain and Ireland_.

            “Do you remember?” Jack asked. “Do you remember how I would come and visit you while you had amnesia? I would sit with you for hours and listen to you talk about butterflies when I didn’t have to go on missions. I was the only one who would sit and talk with you. I brought you books, _so_ many books. I’m also the one who got you those markers, so you could draw diagrams on the wall and shit. Do you remember?”

            Harry swallowed. Those were the memories he had suppressed, but he did remember them. He nodded solemnly. “I do. I remember it clearly . . . why is this important?”

            “I think for our relationship to work; you and I both need to forget everything that happened between the time of you regaining your memory and now. I need to think of you at the lepidopterist, and you need to think of me as Jack, the man who brought you books and markers,” Jack said, placing his hands on his hips and he stared at Harry. “I know it will be hard, especially when you see me with Eggsy. But I’m willing to try if you are. I want to make him happy.” Jack looked at him, then glanced him up and down, before continuing, “I know you do too.”

            Harry swallowed hard. “You’re right. I do.”

            Silence fell over them. Jack awkwardly kicked at the carpet with his boot. “So. We good?”

            “Yes.”

            “Good. There’s a lot of time before the wedding. I’m not going to tell you what you need to do, because you know it. But I want things to be good between us, and between you and Eggsy. Capisce?”

            “You’re very well understood, Jack.”

            “All right. Good night, Harry.”

            Harry didn’t respond. He just watched Jack walk out, and close the door behind him. Once he was alone, he glanced down at the book, and sighed. He picked it up, and clutched it tightly. He knew Jack was right. He knew they were all right, and that he needed to change.

            His stomach clenched, and he opened the book. On the inside of the cover, it read, _I don’t know if you’ve read this book. I picked it up in Canada. I hope you like it._ –Jack

            He took a deep breath. Jack must have wanted to give it to him before he gained his memories back. He had to give it to him, he was a lot nicer then he originally thought . . .

            Snapping the book closed, he tossed it onto his travel bag, and he laid back down on the bed. He needed to fix things with Eggsy. He picked at his nails.

            He thought, _Jack will be the best for him. He will treat him the way he deserves._

            Harry closed his eyes, defeated.


End file.
